Feelin' Good, Livin' Better

You know, i really say some stupid shit when I’m mad. Its like this urge to say something hurtful just bursts out. I honestly hate it. Not being able to control what i say when I’m enraged has messed up so many good relationships i could have had and had. I’m talking about Marie. Honestly that girl is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. She truly cared, and that’s hard to find now a days. Shes cute, shes funny, she actually puts up with all my bullshit, which a lot of people cant handle. I honestly think about what i said, and what i wish i would’ve done every single day since then. What i said was so disrespectful and I’m ashamed of every single word. Marie if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. I truly am, i was so lucky to have to, and to even have met you. I cant express how sorry i am… I’m not asking you to take me back, just to talk to me. I’m sure there’s things both of us have to say to one another. If you don’t want to, then there’s nothing i can do and I’ll just have to drown out the sorrow with something else. If you don’t want to talk then i just want you to know that I’m praying for you, praying that you find someone that treats your right 100% of the time.

You know, sitting here reminiscing on my life so far I’m quite disappointed. Whenever I’ve gotten into a tough situation I expect my parents to get me out of it. I run and cry to my parents and everything gets fixed. That’s terrible, when i go to college ill be amazed how much parents really have done for me. I’ve also started to get complete and utter unacceptable grades. I can’t expect to get into these colleges that i hope to get in to with the grades i have started to get. I haven’t talked to my dad in almost 10 years, but out of all these things its probably the least worrisome. One day he will regret not talking to me all of these years, and when he tries to when I’m successful i will laugh in his deprived face. The one great thing in my life at this moment is hockey and her. Hockey takes my mind away from all of this  crazy shit that’s happened and soothes my life. When I’m out there i forget about every dramatic thing that has occurred in my life. No girl, no injury, nothing can change the love i have for this game. But this girl, shes great. I can be myself around her, i can tell corny jokes, sing in the car, making funny faces, and she just laughs and does the same. Ive honestly never liked someone this much and its crazy how head over heels i am for her. As Eric Thomas says “Pain is Temporary”, i need to live life to the fullest and forget about the useless stuff in my life. The drama hungry people in high school, the people telling me i will never become something, my dad, everyone that cannot make my future brighter needs to be let go. From now on I’m going to actually try in school, not only to get better grades, but also to care about my peers, I’m going to treat my family and friends with the most utmost respect that I’m ashamed to say Ive been lacking. Hopefully all of these changes to goals being met, and me being satisfied with the wonderful life God has given me.

I AM TRULY BLESSED.

I wish you send me the longest text message right now saying what you feel and cute stuff. But who am i kidding thatll never happen

Glad you chose to leave because i learned the real you

Knowing that was the last time i talked to you»»»

Write more id love to hear

Lol youre a fucking bitch

Cant even talk to you. You dont even know how i feel. You say you love me. Then drop everything lets resolve our issues and get back together. Haha yeah wouldnt that be something

The sad thing is you done even give a shit. You ask me what you can do to make it better but you know i only want one thing. You to be mine. Thats never happening again. And once again im crying myself asleep tonight and youre not giving a fuck

Honestly your oblivously. Like i say i dont care about you i say that i never want to talk to you but it kills me not to be the one that makes you smile the one that you kiss. I just want you to drop everything and come back. Ive completely changed but i know that youll never to that. Well never be like we used to and i cant tell you how many nights ive stayed up crying myself to sleep because of that. Without you i am nothing. You were my everything. You were all i lived for. You say the way you used to be was bad but multiply that by ten and thats how i feel right now. I honestly thought about crashing my car on the way home tonight and i just have nothing to look forward to now. You were my perfect girl and your gone and theres nothing i can do about it besides sit here and watch you two be happy. You never really know what life is like without people there for you until it really happens. I have no one to talk to and it kills me. I just want you back but thats wishing for something that wont happen.